I literally took this title from something I said to my husband yesterday, “I don’t feel like doing anything today!” He surprised me with his response, “So don’t!” At first, it seemed strange to think that I openly stated I had no desire or ambition to get anything accomplished. After all, I spent the majority of my life juggling career, family, class mom, church school teacher, friend, mentor, and on and on….. Most days I made a list of my lists so that I could keep things organized and would not forget to complete all of the items by the end of the day. I excelled in multitasking and actually found satisfaction, even pleasure in crossing off that final to-do task.
Then came Parkinson’s. Wow, did that ever slow me down. How could I continue to volunteer at the clinic, assist at the local library, teach Sunday School, serve as an academic advisor, and still be a good wife, mom, and friend? Answer: I could not. Something had to give. And so I stopped many of the extracurricular activities and focused on the most important ones, wife, mother and friend.
As the disease progressed, my energy level decreased. A combination of fatigue from the constant tremors, lack of sleep and an increase in mental anguish led to no energy, not even to leave the house. I felt useless and guilty. Useless because I derive a great deal of good feelings when I help others. I have always believed this was a gift from God that giving gave me more pleasure than receiving. The guilty feelings came from an inner view of myself. Doing nothing was not a good way to spend my time and that I am a more worthy person when I am contributing to the greater good. In part, I believe this attitude is in a great way why I chose the public health field for my career.
With this “must-do, should-do, could-do” lifestyle is it no wonder that I question spending an entire day doing nothing. However, I have come to realize that having Parkinson’s has actually led to some good things in my life, such as, learning to slow down and appreciate the moment. There is a richness to be enjoyed by being calm and not doing anything. You do not have to have a chronic disease to learn this. Take a moment in each day when you tune out the world and rest your senses. You may even get extreme and take a whole morning, afternoon and/or evening and do nothing at all…….
